HEARING SMELL TOUCH SIGHT FEELINGS
We have also been working particularly hard on improving the quality of our sentences so that they are interesting for our readers. Please see our blog post on "Getting Ready to Write" for more information on this.
Today we have decided to celebrate Robbie's and Jamie's writing on our blog as they have taken on board so much advice over the past couple of weeks and have really used it to improve the quality of their writing. Well done boys. Your writing is superb!
Into the Tomb
by Robbie V
As I started digging a hole, I saw the first stone stair not touched in three thousand years. Amazed, I looked down at the second step. The more stairs appeared, the more apprehensive I became.
When I saw the dusty, old rope, it felt like it was going to break into pieces. I walked up to the solid stone. No-one could open it. Excited, I got a pick and made a hole. As I looked in I saw glimmering gold like golden stars.
Carefully, I unraveled the fragile, rough rope. I couldn't wait to open the door with a tense feeling in my heart.
As everyone gathered to me to try and look through the hole, I was heaving with all my might. All the time the door was moving, more emotions came to me. The door slammed open.
When I looked inside, I wasn't happy, I was delighted. Slowly and delightedly, I looked around more, looking at the throne, the couches, the statues and the gold. "This is actually King Tut's Tomb," I thought to myself.
Into the Tomb
by Jamie S
Carefully, I stepped to the stone door and it was cold because it has been down underground for about three thousand years. The steps were cold, cold because no sunlight reached them. I cut a hole in the door and inside it was dark like a haunted house.
When I unraveled the rope and pulled the door. I saw hieroglyphics. I didn't know what they meant. They looked like symbols. I pulled the stone door. It was scraping on the floor. As I looked at the treasures, they were glimmering like silver.
When I got through the stone door, I could see the Tutankhamen statue made out of gold, solid gold actually. I felt so awe-struck and apprehensive at the same time.
Please feel free to leave the boys comments on this amazing writing!
I am so proud of my son Robbie what a fantastic piece of writing incorporating all the things he had learnt from MSLW well done xxxx
ReplyDeleteOh and well done to Jamie too because his was just as awesome x
ReplyDeleteFabulous writing - really impressed!
ReplyDeletevery good writing boys.
ReplyDeleteHello Year 4 Vale,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your “Getting Ready to Write” post, I thought I would see some of the resulting writing. Your topic, Tutankhamun's tomb, brings up images of mystery and discovery but I see your task was also to include the five senses. We experience our world through our senses so including them in your writing can help create a more complete experience for your readers.
Robbie,
You took us down into the tomb and shared the tension as the intact royal chamber was exposed for the first time in over 3000 years. We shared the experience more deeply because you appealed to our multiple senses. I can imagine the senses at play on opening the tomb. The sight of the golden treasures, the smell of stale air not breathed for millennia, the silence of awe from those gathered, and the feel of the unravelled rope and dust covered artefacts. Well done.
Jamie,
I could imagine the experience around 90 years ago when the first intact pharaoh’s tomb was opened by Carter (1923 I think). The glimmering treasure lit by burning torchlight would certainly have left me awe-struck. Well done.
Thanks to the also remarkable discovery of the Rosetta Stone in 1799, we now are able to translate hieroglyphics. I wonder if Carter knew how and what was written inside about the pharaoh only a teenager when he died?
Ross Mannell
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia
ReplyDeletewell done Robbie V and Jamie S you put a lot of effort in your writing. from Jamie S